Best Table Moments
The Quotable Quotes
“Proper mages don’t do fireball.” Caelum, being a Bladesinger snob when someone suggests lobbing a fireball into the mausoleum. “Fireball is not a good spell. I’ve been taught very well to not use fireball.”
“What the fuck does an 8 look like?” A player staring at a die during the Topple rules discussion. Peak D&D energy.
“I, Oggy, bless these lands. Okay, we’re done. Let’s go.” Oggy’s idea of consecrating the cemetery. The farthest thing from a holy man in the group.
“Your ass is looking pretty big from here, bud!” Shouted across the room while describing something big behind them. The DM: “You guys are talking pretty loud across the room.”
“Are you a Mexicant or a Mexican?” The party trying to pronounce “Mexos” and absolutely butchering it. Also: “Mazel tov!” breaks glass against the door and “I’m here to pick up my prescription.”
“I feel so bad for your AI that’s going to go through this fucking audit.” The table reacting to Dom’s recording setup. Followed by: “Dom, I have some insights about one of your players. I did a quick internet search on Cary. Would you like me to call the police?”
“Entertaint.” What happens when the DM tries to say “entertaining” after a few drinks. Led to: “where you don’t want anything to enter.”
“Die, Alan!” Shirley attacking Zombie A, deciding that A stands for Alan. “I’m assuming A stands for Alan. Clearly. Right? Only logical answer.” This became a running joke.
“I need room to do my blade song.” Dom, in real life, about the table space. Jose: “You’re gonna have to get on the table and dance.” Comparisons to Daniel Craig’s elevator dance, Christopher Walken in Weapon of Choice, Carlton, and Mr. Bean followed.
“Reading’s just like fucking LSD, man. Staring at a dead tree, fucking hallucinating.” The group’s take on physical books. Someone then predicted Gen Alpha will reinvent newspapers and think they invented it.
“Snakes don’t have nuts.” The response to “I could hit nuts off a snake from 800 yards.”
“He thinks of you guys as friends. Little does he know, you guys can’t fucking stand him.” The DM, narrating Idril’s inner thoughts after he says he doesn’t want his friends to die.
“Shot it in the chest and remembered it’s a zombie. Double tap in the head, boys.” Oggy’s approach to zombie combat. Grey matter everywhere.
“Wait, you’re a guy?” “Yep. For at least the last two nights.” Someone noticing Shirley’s current gender presentation. Shirley is gender-fluid and switches between he/she.
“You’re the farthest thing from a holy man in the group.” “I wouldn’t go that far.” After Oggy tried to consecrate the cemetery by simply declaring it blessed.
“This was a bad idea.” Caelum, immediately after Misty Stepping into the mausoleum and seeing roughly 10 zombies and a lich.
Jake’s Booty Call
Someone googled ”90s flash game where you try and have sex” at the table to find the name of a Newgrounds game. “I also have to clear my search history now.” The game was Jake’s Booty Call, which led to a Leisure Suit Larry discussion and “256KB should be enough for everybody.”
The AI Roast
When Dom explained the recording and Claude Code setup, the table immediately started roasting what the AI would think:
- “Or more interestingly enough, it might be like, hey this place needs better music.”
- “Dom, I have some insights about one of your players.”
- “I did a quick internet search on Cary. No, get him out!”
- “Would you like me to call the police?”
- “Computer says no.”
- “Here’s three interesting facts I saw about Cary on the internet.”
Double Twos
Idril (Cary) rolled for stealth with advantage (from gear) and got double 2s. “Don’t use those two dice anymore.” The advantage on stealth rolls led to: “Does anybody know why Idril is dancing on the side of this house?”
The Body Parts Business
A historical callback: the party used to collect and sell body parts from enemies, keeping them in a bag of holding. They sold them at a place called Head Shoulders Knees and Toes. “Torvaris knew nothing about this.” “They were ethically harvested.”