Mostly Mortals

A D&D 5e campaign of questionable decisions and memorable quotes.

The Party

Caelum "CJBN"
Caelum "CJBN"
Bladesinger Wizard
played by Dom
Orion
Orion
Vengeance Paladin
played by David
Kimber
Kimber
Bard
played by Tara
Idril
Idril
Ranger / Rogue
played by Cary
Cartman Sandiego
Cartman Sandiego
Redemption Paladin
played by Jose
Oggtok
Oggtok
Ranger / Rogue / Wizard
played by Jesse
Wrathgar
Wrathgar
Ranger
played by Charles

Quest Log

Cure Orion's Poison
Current Critical 2/5 Updated

THE POISONING (July 30): During the party’s inn night, Oggy drew from his card deck (consequence-free for Oggy, as always); one draw’s consequence landed on Orion, hours after he skipped his watch shift (“Karma’s a bitch”). By morning: visible poisoning, and a timer the DM rolled up from 1 day to 8 in-game days, one in-game week.

Timer: poisoned the night of the 17th of Harvest, 1271 → dies at approximately the end of the 25th of Harvest without a cure. (±1 day depending on how the first night counts; the DM has the authoritative count.)

Why it’s scary: everything that should work, doesn’t.

  • Orion’s own Lay on Hands (5 points spent on its cure-poison function): nothing.
  • A Lesser Restoration: nothing. The same spell cured Kimber’s three-month zombie curse the same morning.
  • Medicine checks: “Dude, you are like legit cursed right now. A powerful force. Only thing I can think of is a lich.

Current move: Orion went alone to the town monastery (tall sun banners, ranks of priests, cure rituals; the head of the order, “the Magistrate,” was leading morning prayer). A priest offered a proper ritual. Outcome unknown; the rest of the party went back down into the catacomb, leaving a note: “Gone to kill dead things.”

AUG 27 UPDATE: Orion left the monastery and rejoined the party in the catacomb mid-fight. Whether the ritual happened, worked, or failed was never stated; pressed on the deadline (“Aren’t you dying? Do you have enough time?”), he deflected: “Don’t worry, I got a plan for that.” The in-world date is still the 18th of Harvest, so ~7 days remain to the ~end-of-the-25th deadline.

If the ritual fails: the table’s read is that this needs Wish (“a 9th-level spell and well beyond our capabilities”). Inference: at the moment of poisoning the table counted “three in line for that wish spell” (Caelum, Kimber, Orion); Kimber’s cure reduces the queue to Caelum + Orion, and only Orion’s need has a deadline.

Objectives

  • Track the clock: poisoned the night of the 17th of Harvest, 1271; dead by ~end of the 25th without a cure (8 in-game days)
  • Failed: Lay on Hands (5 pts, poison-cure function)
  • Failed: Lesser Restoration
  • Complete the monastery ritual (in progress; the Magistrate not yet met)
  • If the ritual fails: find a Wish caster within the window (Chug Dignugget is the standing lead)
Last: Aug 27: Orion left the monastery and rejoined the party in the catacomb without saying whether the ritual worked ('Don't worry, I got a plan for that'). Clock unchanged: dead ~end of the 25th of Harvest (~7 days at session end).
Rescue Mano
On hold 0/2

Mano drew the Void card from the Deck of Many Things. He is trapped in an object, protected by powerful people, at the Fortress of Lord Greywolf far to the west.

The party knows the location but has not yet pursued this quest due to distance and other pressing matters (amnesia, lich encounters, bounty jobs).

July 30 intel: [CANON] Mano is an Order of Twilight Song “original” (one of the Order’s founding-tier members, per the table’s “originals and bloodline connections” discussion) and is still alive - a husk, in stasis. Rescue remains possible.

Objectives

  • Travel to the Fortress of Lord Greywolf
  • Find and free Mano from the Void card's trap
Last: July 30: Table-confirmed intel - Mano is an Order of Twilight Song 'original' and is still alive: a husk, in stasis.
Find Torvaris
On hold 0/3

Torvaris is Caelum’s brother, a paladin of great renown. He was cast 5 years into the future during a raid that separated the brothers. He is NOT on the material plane and is possibly on the Astral Plane or in Shogoth (a hell-like plane).

A demon is hunting him (result of the Flames card from the Deck of Many Things). He also drew the Donjon card, meaning he is imprisoned somewhere.

Leads:

  1. Talisman of Anatok tracks the demon hunting Torvaris. Caelum has it but doesn’t know what it is (amnesia).
  2. Chug Dignugget (Wish caster, north of Tabryag) could help both restore memory AND locate/free Torvaris.
  3. Torvaris once traveled with the Mostly Mortals group before Caelum joined.

Seeking Chug Dignugget serves both this quest and restoring Caelum’s memory. One Wish could restore memories, a second could help find Torvaris.

Objectives

  • Restore Caelum's memory so he can resume the search
  • Use the Talisman of Anatok to track the demon hunting Torvaris
  • Locate Torvaris on the Astral Plane or in Shogoth
Last: Quest on hold due to Caelum's amnesia
The Enraged Legion
Active 0/3

Approximately 400 undead, led by a Lich, raised in the ruins of Fadun Keep. The legion is heading East with the goal of pure destruction. Connected to Zildar Lafreche.

This is a large-scale threat that may eventually intersect with the party’s path. The party has gathered intel but has not directly engaged.

[CANON] June 4: confirmed this lich is not Mexoz Valaryn. With Mexoz dead and the Moonstone Crown destroyed, the Enraged Legion remains a separate, still-active threat.

Objectives

  • Monitor the legion's movements
  • Determine if the legion will cross the party's path
  • Find a way to stop or divert ~400 undead
Last: Confirmed NOT led by Mexoz (separate threat). Still active after the cemetery lich's death.
Restore Caelum's Memory
Active 0/2

Caelum drew a card from a Deck of Many Fates (held by a ship crew member while traveling to a teleportation station) and lost every memory he has. He does not remember Torvaris, the Order of Twilight Song, his companions, or any events from his past. He is effectively a blank slate with Bladesinger muscle memory.

Recovery Options (only two known):

  1. Wish spell from Chug Dignugget, last located north of Tabryag
  2. Divine Intervention from a high-level cleric or willing deity

What Caelum Retained: His identity (name), all skills, all abilities. He is a fully functional Bladesinger.

What Caelum Lost: All episodic memory. He does not remember any events, people, relationships, or his quest.

Complications:

  • The Talisman of Anatok is in Caelum’s possession but he has no idea what it is or does
  • Every piece of intel Caelum gathered over years of searching is locked away in a mind he can’t access
  • As of Feb 26, Caelum trusts Kimber and believes what she told him about Torvaris
  • The Wish queue (inference, July 30): at the moment of Orion’s poisoning the table counted “three in line for that wish spell” (Caelum, Kimber, Orion); Kimber’s morning cure reduces it to Caelum + Orion. Orion’s need carries a hard 8-day deadline (see Cure Orion’s Poison); Caelum’s does not, so any single Wish likely goes to Orion first.

Objectives

  • Find Chug Dignugget north of Tabryag
  • Convince Chug to cast Wish to restore Caelum's memories
Last: July 30: Orion's 8-day poison joins the Wish queue. Inference: the queue was Caelum + Kimber + Orion at the moment of the poisoning; Kimber's cure reduces it to Caelum + Orion, and only Orion's need has a deadline.
Zombie Bounties
Active 7/11

JULY 16, The Question Is Answered, And It Is Worse: Fresh undead kept rising because Lich Mexoz was never permanently dead. He returned to the catacomb under his own power roughly six weeks after being killed, wearing a spectral after-image of the destroyed crown. Orion killed him a second time, but the party now understands his phylactery is intact and he reforms in about an hour. The code-locked gold cylinder in their own inventory is almost certainly it.

The party also recovered a large hoard from a second sarcophagus (55pp, 46gp, 38sp, 59cp, 5 diamonds worth 800g, 9 gem satchels at 75g each, one suit of unidentified armor) and a second intact Moonstone Crown. They then withdrew to town for a long rest. No bounty gold has been collected and the fingers are still uncashed. An open thread: the party found the north tomb had been disturbed and never went back to it.

JULY 2, The Cemetery Isn’t Clear: Instead of heading to Beadale, the party stayed to search the rest of the graveyard, and found fresh zombies still rising even though Mexoz has been dead since June 4 (when the whole horde collapsed with the lich). The source appears to be an underground catacomb with an altar beneath one of the mausoleums. The party (Oggy, Cartman, Wrathgar) descended to investigate as the session ended. A second animator, the altar itself, or the Damnatio Memoriae actor?

JUNE 18, Loot Recovered: After Shirley’s funeral, the party searched the mausoleum (Idril rolled 29). They recovered 248 gold, 186 silver, 3 fist-sized garnets (one contains the living miniature ship Widow’s Covenant, transmutation magic), and 1 sealed letter in an unknown “divine” language. The gold cylinder (probable phylactery) is confirmed in party inventory but has a combination code they have not cracked, so the lich bounty is still pending. Next stop: Beadale to collect bounty gold from Sister Helwin.

JUNE 4, Cemetery Cleared: The siege ended. Lich Mexoz was killed (Idril’s double nat-20) and the entire undead horde, including the frost giant zombie and the ogre zombies, collapsed with him. The frost giant’s 200g bounty is now claimable. The lich dropped a gold cylinder (probable phylactery), which would satisfy the phylactery requirement for the lich bounty. Bounty gold still to be collected from Sister Helwin.

What started as a simple bounty job escalated into a lich encounter that changed the campaign. The party killed 22 zombies total across two sessions, but the lich Mexoz Valaryn escaped with the Moonstone Crown.

May 7 Resolution (the bounty office):

  • Party brought 11 zombie fingers + 1 ogre finger to Sister Helwin of the Dawn Chapel
  • 650g collected (550g for 11 zombies + 100g for ogre finger)
  • Helwin offered 200g for a future frost giant zombie kill
  • Established the lich bounty rule: must produce the phylactery as proof

April 9 Recap:

  • Idril’s Wildfire Arrow killed 11 zombies (gold for these still pending claim, possibly)
  • Lich Mexoz Dimension Doored out with the Moonstone Crown
  • Frost giant zombie + ogre zombie + more zombies emerged. Party fled.

Outstanding:

  • Frost giant zombie still at cemetery (200g)
  • Ogre zombie + additional zombies still at cemetery
  • Lich phylactery (location unknown) needed for that bounty

Open Questions:

  • Is Sister Helwin connected to Mexoz? She had the Mexoz tome ready immediately.
  • Will she pay for the April 9 Wildfire Arrow kills if the party brings proof?

Objectives

  • Clear zombies from the cemetery (50g per zombie)
  • Collect bounty from Sister Helwin (11 fingers + 1 ogre = 650g)
  • Survive the Mexoz Valaryn lich encounter
  • Extract Caelum from the sealed mausoleum
  • Defeat the frost giant zombie (200g bounty available)
  • Clear remaining ogre zombie + additional zombies at cemetery
  • Produce phylactery to claim lich bounty
  • Find why fresh undead are still rising (ANSWERED July 16: Mexoz was never dead)
  • Cash in the zombie fingers collected so far
  • Determine whether the lich bounty can be claimed twice
  • Investigate the disturbed north tomb (never followed up)
Last: July 16: ANSWERED. The undead kept rising because Mexoz was never actually dead. He walked back into the catacomb and Orion killed him a second time, which will also not stick until the phylactery is destroyed. The party found a major hoard and a second Moonstone Crown, then withdrew to town for a long rest. Bounty gold still uncollected and the fingers are still uncashed.
The Moonstone Crown
Current Critical 9/21 Updated

AUGUST 27, THE ROYAL TOMB + THIRD ENCOUNTER: Three PCs (Caelum, Orion, elemental Idril) cleared the catacomb leftovers and mapped the level: it is the Valaryn ROYAL tomb, and Mexoz was one of the town’s royals (a disowned scion, per table theory). They found his true sarcophagus: two 5-dial combination locks “used in very extreme cases,” the entire thing strongly magical, and a forbidden book, the Lexicon of Istra, caged in steel and bolted to the lid. Nothing opened (no Knock prepared, dial-spinning went nowhere, explosives vetoed). A recent, hovering statue of Raskoln, Warlord of Destruction stands in the tomb, installer unknown. Then Caelum’s Lightning Bolt lit the final chamber and Mexoz stood in it: third encounter, in front of a colossal statue of a woman with a sword through her chest. Orion, quietly: “It’s Aira. Found her.” Session ended there, no combat rolled. The Alarm + Detect Magic sweep is now immediately actionable: the wizard is on site, and so is the lich.

JULY 30 (CORRECTED 2026-08-27): The party long-rested in town and went back down to fight leftover skeletons in the catacomb hallway (“regular, everyday skeletons,” per the DM). Mexoz was NOT seen. Whether he has reformed again is unknown; the table’s “plus the lich” map chatter was speculation (“IF the lich is back… it’s come back once”), and an earlier processing pass wrongly recorded it as a canon third return. New plan on the books (drafted at a bar, not yet executed): the Alarm + Detect Magic sweep. Blanket an area in Alarm (Oggy can cast it) so everything reads as magical; the one object that does NOT ping is under Nondetection, and that object is very likely the phylactery. “We need a better wizard.” They need Caelum.

REOPENED (July 16): The June 4 resolution did not hold, on both counts.

Mexoz came back. Six weeks after Idril’s double nat-20 killed him, the lich walked into the catacomb beneath the cemetery under his own power, wearing a spectral after-image of the crown Orion shattered floating above his skull. The party estimates he regenerates in about an hour. Orion killed him a second time (21 to hit, 3rd-level Divine Smite, 33 damage, overhead hammer strike), but that is now understood to be temporary. His phylactery is intact, and it is the code-locked gold cylinder sitting in the party’s own inventory, still uncracked. Destroying the body accomplishes nothing until that cylinder is opened and destroyed.

And there is a second crown. Idril opened the other sarcophagus in the same chamber and found, among a substantial hoard, an intact Moonstone Crown. Kimber, its former wearer, refused it instantly: “Definitely fucking not. You didn’t use it when I gave it to you, and you’re not fucking getting it back.” Whether this is a duplicate, a reforged original, or something that was always down there is unknown. Destone was spent destroying the first one, so the party currently has no known means of destroying this one.

PREVIOUSLY RESOLVED (June 4): Lich Mexoz Valaryn is dead and the Moonstone Crown is destroyed. Orion softened the lich with Destone + two Divine Smites (~120 damage); Idril landed two natural 20s for the kill; every zombie collapsed with him. Orion then shattered the crown with Destone, spending the hammer. The lich dropped a gold cylinder (probable phylactery), left unclaimed. Kimber, the crown’s former wearer, felt a spark in her head when it broke. The lore threads below (Damnatio Memoriae, the Ebon Gospel’s missing pages, Tome Part 2) outlive the lich.

MAJOR ESCALATION (April 9): The lich Mexoz Valaryn physically ripped the Moonstone Crown from Kimber’s skull and vanished with it.

MAY 7, Lore Breakthrough: Sister Helwin of the Dawn Chapel produced a tome on Mexoz Valaryn. Key reveals:

  • Born under a blood-red comet in the empire of Serath-Kul (700+ years ago)
  • Expelled from Serath-Kul’s archmages after apprentices vanished from the royal academy catacombs
  • Spent 40 years on the Black Pilgrimage seeking necromantic knowledge
  • Discovered fragments of The Ebon Gospel: and the final pages are missing

MAY 21, Cemetery Sighting + Damnatio Memoriae:

  • Sister Helwin does NOT have Tome Part 2. Holder unknown.
  • The Black Pilgrimage is a real walkable path that corrupts power-seekers (Helwin’s grandmother walked it trying to stop it, became a “jibbering moth, massive flesh teeth and arms”)
  • The Pilgrimage path looks similar to the Enraged Legion’s marching route, possible convergence
  • Party identified Damnatio Memoriae as the pattern: someone is actively erasing Mexoz from history (mausoleum chiseled, tome pages ripped)
  • Lich visually located at the cemetery for the first time since April 9, then vanished again during combat
  • 1 perimeter zombie killed. Kimber bitten and infected (see Cure Kimber quest)

The Ebon Gospel Hook: If Mexoz never found the final pages, he may still be hunting them. The Damnatio Memoriae perpetrator may be the one who tore them out.

Current Situation:

  • Lich Mexoz teleports away the moment combat begins
  • Orion + 8 foot soldiers en route to the cemetery as reinforcements
  • Inner cemetery horde still oblivious; perimeter sweep ongoing
  • Caelum has new Raven familiar (Lirdi) for scouting

Party Speculation: Whoever’s practicing Damnatio Memoriae may be Mexoz’s old enemy, or his old ally.

Objectives

  • Complete the Trials to rebuild Destone
  • Convince Kimber to remove the crown
  • Research Mexoz Valaryn's history (Part 1)
  • Confirm Sister Helwin does not have Tome Part 2
  • Confirm the Black Pilgrimage is a real path
  • Locate Part 2 of the Mexoz tome
  • Locate the missing final pages of The Ebon Gospel
  • Identify who is practicing Damnatio Memoriae on Mexoz
  • Pin down the lich Mexoz Valaryn (he keeps teleporting away)
  • Kill Lich Mexoz Valaryn (killed June 4, RETURNED, killed again July 16)
  • Destroy the Moonstone Crown with Destone (first crown destroyed June 4)
  • Crack the phylactery cylinder's combination code
  • Run the Alarm + Detect Magic sweep to confirm the phylactery (drafted July 30; needs a wizard on site)
  • Destroy the phylactery so Mexoz stops reforming
  • Determine where the SECOND Moonstone Crown came from
  • Decide what to do with the second crown (Kimber refuses to wear it)
  • Map the catacomb: it is the Valaryn ROYAL tomb, and Mexoz was royalty (Aug 27)
  • Locate Mexoz's true sarcophagus (found Aug 27: twin 5-dial locks + the caged Lexicon of Istra)
  • Open or bypass the true sarcophagus (locks uncracked; the Lexicon is bolted down)
  • Identify Aira (the impaled statue) and the Raskoln statue's installer
  • Resolve the third encounter: Mexoz is standing in the room (Aug 27 cliffhanger)
Last: Aug 27: The catacomb is the VALARYN ROYAL TOMB and Mexoz was one of the town's royals. His true sarcophagus found: twin 5-dial locks and the forbidden Lexicon of Istra caged to the lid. And at session end, Mexoz himself: third encounter, standing before the impaled statue of 'Aira.'

Completed

The Trials
Completed 6/6

The party underwent a series of trials, possibly connected to Lorenia, Goddess of Torment, or themed around the seven deadly sins. Each trial tested different aspects of the party’s abilities and resolve.

The ultimate reward was rebuilding Destone, the hammer capable of destroying the Moonstone Crown. The trials are now complete and the weapon is in Orion’s hands.

#TrialThemeResult
1Lorenia’s TestFeast/IndulgencePASS
2GluttonyConsume and be heftierPASS
3Water TrialSurvive currents and snakeWIN
4Magma TrialDoor selection (door #1)PASS
5Ship RatsVermin, ooze, giant ratPASS

Objectives

  • Pass Lorenia's Test (Feast/Indulgence)
  • Pass the Gluttony Trial
  • Survive the Water Trial
  • Complete the Magma Trial
  • Complete the Ship Rats Trial
  • Rebuild the Destone hammer
Last: Final trial completed, Destone hammer rebuilt
Cure Kimber's Zombie Disease
Critical 2/2

THE CURE (July 30): [CANON] The morning after the party’s first true long rest since the bite, a Lesser Restoration (caster unclear on the recording) removed the curse. DM ruling, verbatim: “You’re cured.” Kimber: “Please, you just saved me a trip to the ye olde shopper jungle.”

[THEORY] Why it worked NOW: Mexoz was dead (again, killed July 16) at the moment of casting; no Lesser Restoration had previously been attempted under that condition. Unproven, but it is the table’s working explanation.


THE BITE (May 21): During the cemetery infiltration, Kimber engaged a perimeter zombie. She took 35 damage (19 piercing + 16) from the bite and failed her CON save. DM rolled d100 = 13 for the cure window.

Timer: 13 days from May 21 → final day is approximately mid-campaign-time-June 3.

Body Horror Element: Kimber’s Disguise Self magic (zombie costume) is now described as “perfect”, her body is genuinely transforming. If untreated, she turns undead at the end of the 13-day window.

Possible Cures (in order of difficulty/availability):

  1. Lesser Restoration (2nd level cleric/paladin/druid/ranger spell), cures most diseases. Unknown if this counts as a magical/necromantic disease that bypasses it.
  2. Remove Curse (3rd level), if the disease is curse-based
  3. Greater Restoration (5th level), broad-spectrum cure
  4. Mexoz Tome research: Caelum could comb the Part 1 tome for Pilgrimage-corruption antidotes. The grandmother’s transformation pattern may be related.
  5. A high-tier cleric: Sister Helwin might know someone, or a higher church figure in town

Stakes:

  • Failure = Kimber turns undead, party loses their bard
  • Success = potentially learn how to cure Pilgrimage-corruption broadly (lore implications)

Party Resources Available:

  • Orion (Paladin) can cast Lesser Restoration once per long rest at level 9
  • Caelum has access to spell scrolls if any are recovered
  • Town has a temple (Dawn Chapel), Sister Helwin’s domain

Objectives

  • Find a cure within the window
  • Cure: Lesser Restoration (WORKED, July 30, after the long rest)
Last: COMPLETED July 30: the morning after the party's long rest at the inn, a Lesser Restoration landed on Kimber and the DM ruled 'You're cured.' The clock running since May 21 is over.

Hooks & Leads

Sessions

Previously, on Mostly Mortals...
August 27, 2026 · Slapstick Dungeon Crawl
August 27, 2026
Three adventurers map the Valaryn royal tomb, find Mexoz's true sarcophagus sealed under a forbidden book, and end the night face to face with the lich for the third time.
Slapstick Dungeon Crawl
July 30, 2026
The downtime episode: Kimber cured, Orion on an 8-day poison clock, mystery potions turn Cartman amphibious and Idril liquid, and Caelum grows a third eye in absentia.
Chaotic Downtime
July 16, 2026
The lich they killed six weeks ago walks back in, a 9th-level Cloudkill nearly ends Caelum, and the sarcophagus they crack open holds a second Moonstone Crown.
Comedic Dread
July 2, 2026
Zombie mop-up and new-player onboarding at the cemetery. Caelum goes electric and leaves early, Kimber leads a corpse can-can, and the party descends into a catacomb where the dead are still rising.
Chaotic Comedic
June 18, 2026
Shirley gets a Viking funeral, a dragonborn wakes up in the lich's coffin, and a hidden archer shoots Kimber by mistake. Two new heroes join.
RP-Heavy, Bittersweet & Chaotic
June 4, 2026
The Lich Mexoz finally dies, the Moonstone Crown is destroyed, and Shirley falls in a heroic last stand.
Epic Tragic Climax
May 21, 2026
The party finds the lich at the cemetery, then loses him. Kimber gets bitten, 13 days to cure or she turns undead.
Strategic / RP Heavy with a Combat Cliffhanger
May 7, 2026
650g collected, Mexoz Valaryn's full backstory revealed, Kimber goes full villain on a blacksmith's children, Orion betrays her to a city guard.
RP Heavy / Chaotic Humorous
April 9, 2026
Lich fight, Counterspell clutch, wildfire inferno, Disintegrate scare, crown stolen, full retreat.
Desperate Survival
March 12, 2026
Zombie cemetery, ogre one-shot, lich cliffhanger.
Chaotic Humorous