Best Table Moments

The Quotable Quotes

“You know last night was just a one-time thing, right?” Caelum to Idril, deadpan, callback to their May 7 overnight tome study together. The DM granted Caelum inspiration on the spot. The whole table lost it.

“Sister Butterface. Sister, what’s her name? I don’t know. Howlin? Helvet? You gotta say it with an accent. Helvet.” The entire party spiraling on Sister Helwin’s name. Even Caelum (who wrote it in his notes the last session) can’t read his own handwriting. The bit kept escalating for a full minute.

“It’s a graph of light, a photograph.” Orion trying to explain photography to Sister Helwin, who is centuries removed from the concept.

“How old do you think I am?” Helwin, deadpan, when asked if she’s certain about something 700 years old. The party visibly squirmed.

“Shirley Scrumptious!” Shirley charging into combat yelling his own name, single-handedly breaking the careful stealth the rest of the party spent half an hour building up. Pure character.

“Now you guys understand why I don’t wear pants?” Oggy, after the party realizes he’s been invisible-trailing them.

“Notice me, senpai.” Oggy’s internal monologue while shadowing Orion to the council chambers.

“I am trained in deception. I waited until you left.” Oggy explaining his tail-Orion strategy.

“Sounds as though someone was trying to erase the complete history. It’s a classic Rumpelstiltskin situation.” On Mexoz’s name being chiseled off the mausoleum + the tome’s final pages being torn out.

“Damnation Memoriae.” The official term for the name-erasure practice. Suddenly everyone at the table is using the Latin.

“Surely, you can’t be serious. I mean, have you seen Shirley 2.0?” Airplane! reference + Shirley showing off the new splint mail.

“I used to be able to take a beating, now I can take a bigger beating.” Shirley’s splint mail pitch.

“It was loving and battling.” Shirley on orc military tactics.

“The ladies, however, swoon swoon, swoon swoon.” Continued orc military lore.

“He’s a sneaky fuck.” Said about Oggy. Multiple times. Universally agreed.

“At the very least, I will go, if everybody wants to go, to help you.” Caelum, the reluctant party glue.

“You don’t know what’s going on. That’s why I asked.” Helwin, repeatedly, to the party.

“Your disguise will no longer be a disguise. It will be perfect.” The DM, after Kimber fails her CON save. The line of the session.

D&D Highlights

The Damnatio Memoriae Reveal

The party connects two facts they’d treated as separate: the chiseled mausoleum + the ripped Ebon Gospel final pages. Realization lands: someone is actively erasing Mexoz from history. Major lore beat, dropped without ceremony in the middle of a bar conversation.

The “One-time Thing” Joke + DM Inspiration

Caelum to Idril, after their previous-session overnight tome study: “You know last night was just a one-time thing, right?” DM grants inspiration on the spot. Earned.

Sister Helwin’s Grandmother

Helwin breaks down talking about her grandmother walking the Pilgrimage and ending as “a jibbering moth, massive flesh teeth and arms.” The Pilgrimage’s cost lands with real weight at the table.

The Party Split (Idril’s Coup)

Idril convinces 3 PCs to head to the cemetery immediately. Orion goes to town guard. Oggy chooses stealth-tail. Real party dynamic, three competing instincts in motion at once.

Orion in Council

Persuasion 15 (with +5 nobility background) lands 8 foot soldiers + a scout-then-assault commitment. The Paladin of Vengeance speaks to nobles like he was born to it. Because he was.

Oggy’s Stealth Eavesdrop

Invisible during the entire council meeting, confirms Orion is not ratting on the party, slips out toward the cemetery to rejoin. Total independent agent move.

The Thriller Dance Infiltration

Kimber casts Disguise Self + uses her dead-body costume + rolls Performance 27 doing the literal Michael Jackson Thriller dance in front of actual zombies. They do not react. The party walks into the cemetery undetected. Top-5 D&D moment of the campaign.

Idril’s Quiet Kill

Sneak attack 28 with the scimitar. Deliberately avoided the Sword of the Pack Leader because it howls on kill and would alert the inner horde. Blade between spine and skull. Surgical.

”Shirley Scrumptious!”

Shirley charges into combat screaming his own name. Single-handedly destroys the stealth. Nobody is mad about it because it’s perfect character work.

Kimber Bitten

Failed CON save. 35 damage. D100 = 13. 13 days to cure or she turns undead. Her Disguise Self becomes “perfect” as her body begins to transform. Pure body horror.

The Lich Vanishes

Initially visible in the cemetery’s center for the first time since April 9. Disappears again the moment combat begins. The boss is faster than the party.

Table Culture (Non-D&D Gold)

The Hockey Tangent

Avalanche vs Carolina Hurricanes (“Hurricane”). Old Quebec vs Montreal finals fantasy (“Wouldn’t that be great?”). “Carolina has a history of folding here every year.” Toronto Maple Leafs white-and-blue jerseys with the maple leaf nostalgia.

The Pizza Bit

Cary brought pizza. Hawaiian + Canadian. “Both are Canadian inventions.” “Hawaiian was invented by somebody in BC.” Then: “I would like to have four or five to see what American Pizza has to offer. This is American Pizza.” Realization in real time.

The Orc Military Tactics Discussion

Shirley deep-dives orc military experience. No shield walls. Loose formations. “It was a surprise generally.” “When you have like a thousand orcs to look like me, most of the time you just turn around and run away.” “It was loving and battling.” Half-orc lore gold.

The Bagpipes / Racial Insensitivity Joke

“Lead us with your bagpipes. Is that racially insensitive?” Pre-cemetery banter.

The Hearing Aid Analogy

Tara explaining the shared-thought-hearing thing via her grandfather’s hearing aid. “Everything’s at the same level. So people talking over there are the same as me talking to you.” A genuinely good metaphor in the middle of game banter.

Who’s On First

Multiple references during the Helwin name confusion. “If you haven’t actually, Google it and watch it tonight. It’s like a 1940s sketch.”

The “Pantsless Behind the Screen” Universe

Dave (DM): “I’m pantsless behind the screen.” Combined with Oggy’s “now you understand why I don’t wear pants”, the night went unusually pants-themed.

Mass Effect Garrus Reference

“Mass Effect Garrus. It’s been a long time. Is your refrigerator ready?” Out of nowhere. Beautiful.

The Raven Naming Spiral

Caelum’s familiar gets named Lurd, Lurdry, Lurdi, Corvus, Corax, Lenore, Nevar, Harry, Mike, Bill in a single 90-second exchange. Working title “Lirdi” (Idril reversed). Nothing locked.